While shopping with Suz the other day something jarred my memory and i started to spew out several funny (and usually quite inappropriate) things that my dad used to say. He didn’t have many sayings but the few that he used were used often and this makes them quite memorable. Most of these were born from his want to use cuss words but not wanting to spoil our virgin ears (ha ha, right). Nowadays, he has started to resort to the cuss words, which is fine by me.
here we go, the saying and a short explanation.
"Way to go, slop-heels."
This one was usually heard at the dinner table, it was a certainty if we were at a restaurant or eating someplace like the car. If you were unfortunately enough to spill some food on yourself you had to suffer the humiliation of a stain on your shirt and my Dad confirming the obvious by calling you a "slop-heel". I’m still not sure what exactly a "slop-heel" is, but I imagine it as a blob covered in a variety of stains from the last 10 years worth of meals it ate.
"Way to go, Dömkoff."
As you can see my Dad really knew how to think outside the box when it came to insults. Solp heels and Domkoff (pronounced DOOM cough) were interchangeable. My Mom always followed this one up with ‘Allan, you don’t need to start name-calling." This statement had no effect on me personally- as a child i didn’t know what the heck he was talking about and it just sounded funny. I still have no idea if that is an actual Russian or German word for idiot but I still get a laugh when i hear it. And he still says this one, i know, I’ve heard it.
"Don’t Gimme the gears"
This one is pretty self explanatory. If my dad felt that you were telling him a tall tale- this would be his reply. I’ve heard many, many people get this comeback, everyone from relatives to salesman at Radio Shack.
"You sound like a bunch of Indians!"
I’m not sure what a bunch of Indians is supposed to sound like, and I am sure glad there were never a bunch around when my dad roared this at us. Mom didn’t like this saying much either and eventually it morphed into "a herd of elephants".
"Can you guys keep it down?!"
This one isn’t so much a saying, but an action. He would say this one with a pained look on his face. As if a snake was biting his toe but he wasn’t quite sure. Also, the important part was his hand- making an up and down motion while looking like it was missing it’s hand puppet. Hard to explain, classic to watch. He still does this- probably 20 times a day.
"You can walk and you can talk…"
This one is a special consideration since he only said it once. It’s fondly referred to by friends and family as "the speech". After a particularly late night, i woke up to my dad and his scathing assessment at my lack of contact the night before. If you can imagine a voice that sounds like Bill Cosby, high pitched and sing-songy. My Dad ended his lengthy and flatulent tirade by saying "You can walk and you can talk…" then pause, I roll my eyes and start to walk away… "…but you can’t even make a phone call". It doesn’t sound funny now, but believe me and the people who have heard my rendition of the events, it was. BY Golly it was.
Some of these were solely for the benefit of my family- because let’s face it… you have to know my dad. You just have to know him and his ways to ‘get’ these. In the off chance you know someone like him- I hope you enjoyed it. I may just remember a few more "Al Classics" down the road and I’ll append this list then, if you remember any- please add them in the comments!!
We Love ya Dad,
~jen
The remote control was found last night. After tearing apart the couch, chair, and toybox as well as, pulling everything away from the walls and tipping it over, I still hadn’t found the remote. Later that evening I was having my in laws and my neices and nephew over for dinner, as i was in the process of turning on the lights I noticed one of my chinese lanterns (seen in the upper right hand corner of the photo to the left) had burnt out. I went over to peek in and see if the bulb was burnt or if it was only a short in the cord and what do i find, sitting inside the lantern???? You got it, my lonely remote. If that lightbulb hadn’t burnt out i don’t know when we would have found it… i never would have thought to look inside there. My neice put it in there, guarantee it. She was hanging around that light all night and it was in the bottom one- easy and tempting.
